Once upon a time, a man, whose ax was missing, suspected his neighbor’s son. The boy walked like a thief, looked like a thief, and spoke like a thief. But the man found his ax while digging in the valley, and the next time he saw his neighbor’s son, the boy walked, looked, and spoke like any other child. —Lao-Tzu

All I really remember about the event now, after all these years, is that some educational association that had made a donation to the school hosted a public meeting of some sort. I had no interest in the event whatsoever and under other circumstances would certainly not have gone. But it was one of those protocol things. Not to go could have seemed ungrateful, impolite, rude. And anyway, I was the new teacher on the faculty. End of conversation. I was going.

I didn’t know anyone there. Since most of them lived a good fifty miles away to begin with. I figured I’d never see any of them again. It was going to be a long night.

Not only did nothing about the evening seem good but it began to look steadily worse as the night went on. Hard conversation; overcooked food; a long, late drive back home. And on top of it all, the next day was a school day. About the only thing that could possibly save the night from becoming a total disaster for me was a good educational speech. At least then, I figured, I’d learn something.

Suddenly, I heard a rustle at the far side of the room. Three tall men were hovering over someone in the ballroom doorway. An old woman stood in their midst, looking a bit confused. She’d probably wandered into the wrong meeting, I thought.

Then I saw her reach out to lean on the men, one on each side of her, while the third walked reverently, carrying a briefcase. The old lady limped slowly up a mobile platform and stood there waiting while the men rolled it along the front of the dais to the speaker’s stand. Then, holding onto the podium as she moved, she struggled into place behind the microphone.

I groaned inwardly. Oh no, I thought, not another “When I was young,” speech. After all, what else could an old lady do in a gathering like this?

When she began to speak, she grew straight up, it seemed, and ten feet tall. She commanded every inch of the room. She held every eye, controlled every thought, stilled every movement in the hall.

I had never heard such applause when she finished. I had never been part of a standing ovation like that. I had never experienced such respect for a living person. A woman. An old woman.

I don’t remember the subject. I don’t remember the facts. But I remember her and her deep, sonorous voice and the image she used of pioneers emptying their Conestoga wagons at the foot of the Rockies. And I did learn that night. Plenty. I learned not to decide whether or not I like things before I try them.

Packages are labeled so we have some kind of precise awareness of what they contain. But we cannot do the same thing with people. As in: tattoos are not dangerous. Dreadlocks are not dangerous. Race and age are not diseases that affect either intelligence or effectiveness.

It would save us a lot of time and a lot of human mistakes if we knew one another’s contents by looking at a label. In the meantime, it seems, only open-heartedness can possibly save us from ourselves.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 1: The Sufi master taught, “Because you were bitten by a snake, you fear a rope in the road.” By clumping similar people and classes of things in single categories, we miss most of life. We decide what a thing will be before we even see it.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 2: It isn’t difficult to learn from others—if we bother to reach out to them in the first place.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 3: The expectations we take to something is exactly what we’ll find there.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 4: There’s a difference between being open to strangers and being foolhardy. Open is when you take strangers into your life space; foolhardy is when you fail to assess what you find there.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 5: Living off of what other people tell you about others is, the spiritual masters say, the same as allowing someone else to chew your food for you.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 6: Be careful that your life is not one long-held prejudice. Give truth a chance. “Of what you see, believe very little,” Edgar Allen Poe teaches. “Of what you are told, believe nothing.”

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 7: It is one thing not to want to meet someone. It’s another thing entirely to judge them as if you have.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 8: Everyone who looks bad isn’t, and everyone who looks suave isn’t. “Always check to see,” the Irish say, “that there’s bread under the butter.”

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 9: There is no such thing as a “class” of people. There are only those we meet, one at a time, and come to know as human beings about whom we can speak with any authenticity.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 10: When we spend our lives guarding ourselves against what might happen rather than opening ourselves to what may happen, we poison the well of the heart. “At the gate through which suspicion enters,” Thomas Fuller wrote, “love goes out.” How can we ever give our hearts to anyone we do not allow ourselves to trust?

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 11: To judge another without either the experience or evidence that confirms it, is to draw boundaries around our own lives. Better, perhaps, to be fooled by someone than to be cut off by the cancer of unsubstantiated suspicion from the possibilities the relationship might well bring.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 12: To live is to venture beyond our fears to taste the sweetness of the unknown.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 13: “Suspicion begets suspicion,” Publilius Syrus wrote. If I don’t trust a person, they know it. Then, they don’t trust me either. Suspicion is a good initial guard, perhaps, but, overdone, it is a deadly state of mind.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 14: According to psychologists, 70% of the things we worry about never happen. 30% are about the past. About 8% of them are problems that can be solved. So tell me again why we spend so much time expecting the worst?

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 15: The most effective way to torment yourself is to sit around wondering what everybody else is up to. In the first place, what makes you think they are up to something? And in the second place, so what?

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 16: Even if someone does do something to you—they talk about you to others, they do their best to obstruct your plans, they manage to see that you are overlooked by those you would expect to include you—the simple truth is that, in the end, they really can’t hurt you unless you let them. Who would want “friends” who could be so easily influenced against you anyway?

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 17: If you are looking for a reason to condemn someone, you will find it. You will also find the “proof” you are looking for to confirm it. “Someone will always tell you,” Delia Ephron writes, “what you want to hear.” The question is, Why do you want to hear it?

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 18: When we embrace the unknown with an open heart, we make way for newness of soul—our own.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 19: If it is true that, in the end, things always really turn out fine, why do we spend so much time fearing, decrying, resisting, judging, and suspecting? “Every good thing comes to those who wait,” Scripture says. So why not wait?

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 20: Whatever we think we know about a person, about an event, is never all there is to know. “The truth,” as Oscar Wilde says, “is rarely pure—and never simple.” Always leave room for more than one explanation of anything.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 21: “What we anticipate seldom occurs,” Benjamin Disraeli says, “and what we least expect generally happens.”Both assuming the worst and expecting the best are always unreal. That may be the one thing in life of which we may be certain.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 22: Suspicion says as much about us as it does about the other. It marks us as people who are more interested in the sins of the other than in our own.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 23: Making judgments out of nothing is not creativity, but self-righteousness at its worst. “Do not judge,” Rousseau wrote, “and you will never be mistaken.”

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 24: Learning not to prejudge people and things is easy. All we need to do is to make a list of the judgments we’ve already made that were incorrect—all the right people who turned out to be wrong for us, the good things we insisted on having that turned out to be bad for us, the things we knew were absolutely correct that turned out to be absolutely incorrect. If that doesn’t cure us of our tendency to stereotype, nothing will.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 25: The purpose of surprise is to give us the chance to rethink first impressions, recreate old ideas, and renew a well-worn faith.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 26: Just because something happens once does not mean it will happen every time. “Truly nothing is to be expected but the unexpected,” Alice James wrote. Life is more fun is we simply learn to accept the unexpected and make it wonderful.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27: Expectation is the beginning of disappointment—and often the seedbed of error.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 28: Being open to the unexpected is the beginning of new life, new growth, new possibilities. To be happy it is necessary to learn to let go of the way we are convinced life is and open our hearts and mind to what it really is.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 29: Dryden wrote, “Errors, like straws, upon the surface flow. Those who would search for pearls must dive below.” Anything we judge on the basis of appearances is bound to be incomplete— if not outright wrong. It’s staying with a person long enough to get to know them that counts. And who knows? We may even learn something on the side.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 30: A State Trooper pulled the car over to the side of the road, leaned in the window and said, “Congratulations, sir. You are the 5000th person to cross the traffic counter with your seat belt on. You have just won $5000. What are you going to do with all that money?” “Well,” the driver said, “I suppose I oughta buy a license.” Then the woman in the seat next to him leaned over and said, “Don’t pay any attention to him, officer. He’s always a smart mouth when he’s drunk.” Then the guy in the back seat said, “I told you we wouldn’t get very far in a stolen car.” And a small voice from the trunk called, “Hey buddy, did we make it over the state line yet?” Point: Things are often more than they seem.

LET’S SHARE OUR THOUGHTS
The following discussion questions, Scripture echo, journal prompts, and prayer are meant to help you reflect more deeply on The Monastic Way. Choose at least two suggestions and respond to them. You may do it as a personal practice or gather a group interested in sharing the spiritual journey.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Can you think of a time in your life when your preconceived ideas about a person or group were challenged or disproved? What effect, if any, did that have on you?

2. Which daily quote in The Monastic Way is most meaningful to you? Why? Do you agree with it? Disagree? Did it inspire you? Challenge you? Raise questions for you?

3. After reading The Monastic Way, write one question that you would like to ask the author about this month’s topic.

4. Joan Chittister uses other literature to reinforce and expand her writing. Find another quote, poem, story, song, art piece, novel that echoes the theme of this month’s Monastic Way.

5. Sister Joan writes that open-mindedness and acceptance of what may come are essential qualities for happiness. Are these qualities that come naturally to you? Has anything helped you to develop them or prevented you from growing in them?

JOURNAL PROMPTS

Prompt 1: Here are a few statements from this month’s Monastic Way. Choose one that is most helpful to you and journal with it.

• It is one thing not to want to meet someone. It’s another thing entirely to judge them as if you have.

• Always leave room for more than one explanation of anything.

• Expectation is the beginning of disappointment—and often the seedbed of error.

Prompt 2: Spend a few minutes with this photograph and journal about its relationship to this month’s Monastic Way. You can do that with prose or a poem or a song or....

PRAYER
Lead us from death to life
From falsehood to truth
Lead us from despair to hope
From fear to trust
Lead us from hate to love
From war to peace
Let peace fill our hearts
Let peace fill our world
Let peace fill our universe.
—Universal Prayer for Peace

SCRIPTURE ECHO

Be compassionate as your loving God is compassionate. Don’t judge and you won’t be judged. Don’t condemn, and you won’t be condemned. Pardon, and you’ll be pardoned. Give, and it will be given to you: a full measure—packed down, shaken together and running over— will be poured into your lap. For the amount you measure out is the amount you’ll be given back.”
––LUKE 6:36-38